Reddit Haikus

Can't you see how much
     better you make the world just
by being in it?

I'm fine. I'm listening
     to music and eating lunch.
You're still an asshole.

Your cat has no more
     metaphysical value
than a deer or cow.

That was too easy.
     You probably have a giant
butt plug up your ass.

This only makes me
     wonder where else our lovely
adventure can go.

But that's like keeping
     butterflies in the hope they'll
start a hurricane.

It was stupid. I,
     too, am a fan of throwing
gasoline on fires.

While I was crying
     my crush was laughing at me
the entire time.

If its hot enough
     for ice cream its hot enough
to murder someone.

And then I realized
     I have no idea what's
actually going on.

That means I'm also
     radioactive, because
I love bananas.

Or how about this:
     tradition makes you stupid,
religious, and poor.

When there's nobody
     to pay the bill, everyone
ends up paying it.

Hey, you have a job
     in this economy, you
should be grateful. Pie.

For Janet, help came
     from her faith, but it also
came from a squirrel.

You can't tell me who
     I can and can't descend from.
This is Tennessee!

If anyone has
     better info, or thinks I'm
wrong, please correct me.

Again, deflecting
     the question and floating on
your delusion cloud.

If you were mid 30's
     going for mid to low 20's,
you'd be a puma.

I'm not sure how you
     knew about his excessive
butt sex practices.

Is really many
     potato and no gulag
in Amerika?

I definitely
     would not be a good person
post apocalypse.

Making sex a gift
     or a special occasion
is so fucking sad.

I am not convinced
     that "fish don't feel pain," in fact,
I am sure they do.

Dude, don't. Your home will
     smell like piss and no one will
want to come over.

Exactly, it's best
     that karma is worth nothing,
except for karma.

my mouth literally
     dropped open and stayed that way
for a whole minute.

He told me he was
     going to take a shower
so I said "ok".

In short, my goal is
     to leave this world a better
place than I got it.

The door creaked open,
     but in the place of the girl
was an old woman.

I blame myself. Still.
     I know it's not my fault but
I still blame myself.

You should really come
     out of the closet and just
admit that you're gay.

Nah I'm just going
     to stand here and watch you dumb
folks till you get it.

She was with a new
     boyfriend but was at your place
cuddling and kissing?

I cant imagine.
     Men's penises. Some of them
do have their own phones.

But lurking inside
     are a lot of good people
with good ideas.

You are a good man.
     And a good father. Know that.
Source by any chance?

You can never be
     congratulated enough.
Congratulations.

Speaking for myself,
     sex is very different to,
say, eating pizza.

I can also hear
     the hiss that televisions
make when they are on.

Why does God require
     faith to determine something
so significant?

First of all, I don't
     think gay bashing is okay.
I'd never do it.

I just found that out
     myself and I cannot wait
to be sterilized.

Seems like such a chore...
     Lap, lap, lap... Just liking what
porn tells me to like.

Work. Work. Work. Work. Work.
     Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work.
Work. Work. Work. Work. Work.

Don't judge a man by
     the rules he makes, judge him by
the rules he follows.

Just know that I think
     you're a nice guy, but I'm not
attracted to you.

I only have her
     as a companion because
I want to bang her.

And sin, young man, is
     when you treat people as things.
Including yourself.

I purposely made
     my account on leap day just
to see what happens.

Just like my breakfast
     today consisted of things
that were once alive.

My girlfriend said "I've
     got an itch between my toes".
So I asked "Which toes?".

You have the power
     to express perfect kindness,
selflessness and love.

He didn't get chocolate
     very often, so he is
extra dangerous.

How do I argue
     with someone who is simply
stupid and angry?

The only thing you
     need to change is the fact you
don't have my number.

Also, does butter
     count as a spice, because if
so, I would add that.

And in any case,
     the onus is not on me.
Prove your fucking point.

You can dismiss him
     for being a complete tool,
because he is one.

I do however
     have an upside down mustache
that I am proud of.

While he is pooping.
     She's stunning. I don't like Dr.
Pepper anyway.

I got one last look
     in her eyes before I closed
mine and she kissed me.

Unfortunately,
     this scheme would end with Maggie
shooting Mr. Burns.

Again, peer to peer,
     what is my obligation
to answer questions?

WAIT ARE WE GETTING
     THE BICYCLE PUMP OR ARE
WE GIVING IT UP?

TIL Robocop could
     potentially qualify
as a kid's movie.

If you kill yourself,
     you will never reach a dream.
Never get married.

"I've never met one
     who can look you in the eye,"
what a load of crap.

As long as we can
     use it to shoot other guns.
Chainsaws preferably.

One of the best ways
     to work through our own problems
is to help others!

Maybe the people
     are really just elephants?
I get by okay.

Had no idea
     what I was getting into,
and it was awesome.

I'm glad your reading
     comprehension is as high
as you think mine is.

You are very good
     looking but yeah, you might want
to ditch that nose ring.

Oh, he also sells
     alcohol for a living.
We weren't offended.

The small scream before
     he lets out the big one is
what does it for me.

Advertisers did
     *not* invent my dad's bad breath,
I can swear by that.

I wouldn't and if
     I absolutely had to,
I would not swallow.

I'll get back to you
     when my novel is finished.
Mostly serious.

Am from Maine. When there's
     no snow, there are yellow hats
everywhere always.

Your friend left behind
     something beautiful for us
before his passing.

Good beer. My buddy
     makes knives. We brew together.
He sharpens my knives.

driving in the main
     artery highway is fast
but very boring.

"Gotta Catch 'em All."
     Easy there buddy- need some
mental health treatment?

Now, I literally
     don't remember what I said
(he doesn't either).

We probably wouldn't
     be super sexually
compatible, then.

What the bible says
     is irrelevant to our
lives as atheists.

WE HAVE LOST TO BLUE!
     GOTTA DO IT ALL OVER
AGAIN! PRAISE HELIX!

The whole post strongly
     resembles circumcision
activist trolling.

Maybe we're harder
     to manage, to motivate,
to sell bullshit to.

One day he was caught.
     Some officers followed him
to my grandma's house.

Playing with your hair
     is a sign of sexual
tension by the way.

I appreciate
     you reading and responding
to my story though.

Ya! And then one trips
     and the other catches him
with his dick and... Well...

Religion is just
     something we use to make us
feel comfortable.

How do you survive
     in this world if you don't know
how computers work?

Still, thanks for the tip.
     Just remember, whatever
you do, don't look up.

-He might have hidden
     out at the aunts house, as his
grave is buried there.

Everything built by
     ACME fails is an inside
joke on Mexico.

Try some alcohol?
     It may be a really bad
tit removal job.

It comes down to this,
     sex is the forbidden fruit,
so teens want it more.

You need more help than
     you think, your broken mind won't
fix your broken mind.

I feel a little
     bit less like a weirdo now.
Stay tuned. I was there.

I could hear my brain
     going "BREATHE, BREATHE, MOVE YOUR LEGS",
but to no avail.

Poor obedience
     will result in any breed
being aggressive.

You kiddies can use
     that idea if you'd like.
Thanks for the response.

Watching a movie
     about it isn't going
to entertain me.

Society is
     not going to collapse, just
the economy.

But ultimately
     each person is the one who
is responsible.

And the fact it looks
     the size of my forearm means
OP is a loose slut.

There's very little
     difference between Michael Scott
and Tandy Miller.

It was probably made
     by a white guy, anyways!
Excellent questions!

My relationship
     with my mom isn't the best,
even to this day.

My palms were sweating
     as I anxiously waited
for the light to change.

People are rarely
     endangered by coyotes, but
your pets are tasty.

I don't know how old
     you are but I would say stay
away from the stuff.

I don't usually
     say hi or wave, but neither
do people I pass.

Work. Work. Work. Work. Work.
     Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work.
Work. Work. Work. Work. Work.

He won't save you on
     this earth and we don't know if
anything comes next.

A lot of people
     don't really pay attention
to the latter part.

You see, this story
     is not a comprehensive
expose of Dr. Oz.

In a communist
     society, all of those
values are punished.

Honestly, whether
     you intended that or not,
that comes off as rude.

I'm confused. If Joe
     is not your real name, why does
your niece call you that?

If you really like
     something, get it on a shirt
or something like that.

Because the world is
     for shareholders, not fluffy
things and people. Fixed.

You should be happy
     that you were able to be
diagnosed early.

They sting you and don't
     even have the decency
to die afterwards.

I believe it is
     right to pay for services
rendered, and I do.

Staying because I'm
     afraid to be alone is
no reason to stay.

Okay. How about
     "Nobody should throw stones." That's
crappy behavior.

You are all winners
     in my book (which may or may
not be digital).

I look at like this,
     we are becoming a group
think society.

Soldier on! I do
     this sometimes with my face wash
if I'm too tired.

I've always wanted
     to be a grammar nazi
but my grammar sucks.

What words of wisdom
     could he give me regarding
such a decision?

If the rules were changed
     overnight people would do
bad to get heaven.

My God! This is hot!
     Seduce me more! Tell me how
often you vacuum!

Who gives a fuck if
     someone asks a question that's
been answered before?

It has no rhyme or
     reason to it, it's meaning
is found in itself.

If you say something
     is an issue, burden is
to you to show why.

I hate my country.
     I'm a virgin so its not
herpes There's a ghost.

:D CANT TELL IF IM
     ANGRY. OR JUST REALLY FUCKED
UP. Try heroin.

Do you go with straight
     up regular muscle milk
or just switch it up?

I hear Canada
     also has universal
health care. OMG!

All the while, he still
     tries to seek revenge over
the death of his love.

I'm clicking on links
     from your site to other things
on your site, you freaks!

Just because one *feels*
     like he's outside his body
doesn't make it true.

Odd. I saw Ben Folds
     and it was the worst concert
I've ever been to.

What is the difference
     between killing and murder?
When is killing wrong?

Current economic
     thought is caught in assumptions
from bygone eras.

Video gaming
     and sitting on my lazy
ass are my hobbies.

Whole milk. Once you start
     drinking whole milk, anything
else tastes like water.

Just like the Cowboys
     defense has been a complete
joke the past few years.

Indeed. He is too
     generous, I gonna try
ask him for money...

Honestly believe
     Gomez could do a very
decent job somewhere.

I actually added
     this part in my Doctoral
Thesis as a quote!

Get her to focus
     on something else, get her mind
completely off it.

It worked. How did you
     make money if it didn't go
up (or down) in price?

But if he's talking
     about the "God hates fags" stuff,
then yeah, that's hate speech.

Did he cheat on me?
     First that stupid Hillary
chick and now this bitch?

Whereas if a man
     said something happened, no one
questions or doubts it.

Also the placement,
     spacing and scale of the type
bothers me a bit.

Donkey Kong Country
     has to be one of the most
fun games of all time.

I'm wondering, why
     is the page so, uh I can't
think of the word. Long?

I appreciate
     your concern though and I'm glad
you offered to help.

I shall hope to win
     This is going to dilute
the armor market.

Okay, thanks. I'll be
     sure to hang out sooner than
later, just in case.

Like, what the fuck, ma?
     You couldn't even ask me
if it was cool first?

However, I feel
     that this is almost pointless
to argue about.

Sometimes they make eye
     contact and then just go back
to watching the show.

The cows are long gone,
     in fact, the barn never had
any cows in it.

These people don't want
     to be there, there is nowhere
else for them to go.

As little labor
     regulation as you can
get away with John.

He's not disabled.
     Heck, there's people who have like
no hands who are gold.

I just went to their
     website to get more info.
It's unusable.

I was so lonely,
     I engaged her, even though
I was suspicious.

They're not prayer beads like
     on a rosary, they're just
used for fidgeting.

If you are looking
     for ransom, I can tell you
I don't have money.

Oh my fucking god.
     You literally **cannot** make
this kind of thing up.

I have an issue
     with my mouth moving faster
than my brain sometimes.

Also move your bed
     and sheets away from the wall.
But again, you're safe.

I think the world is
     going to have to get used
to, you know, progress.

[deleted] I am
     tattooed and pierced, and I am
interesting as fuck.

He probably isn't
     even trying to take away
your assault rifles.

And even if you
     are weight lifting, you can still
get enough protein.

You look like you would
     hunt down and kill your boyfriend
and feast on his flesh.

Do you find yourself
     feeling as though you don't fit
in still to this day?

I had no savings,
     a pile of credit card debt,
and no job prospects.

Try to figure out
     where your dog is coming from
with this behavior.

There are many things
     we do not let our children
do, like driving cars.

Other guys may think
     I'm pussy whipped, but the truth
is I'm pussy whipped.

But to forbid tips
     as if wage is enough is
borderline evil.

I noticed that change
     from "What we did and did right"
to "what we're doing".

It might be a good
     sex life to you but it won't
be to everyone.

I watched people walk
     around with bags and pretend
to pick up the shit.

I absolutely
     *despise* George W. Bush,
but facts are facts, man.

This site is a great
     place to find out what's happening
in local music.

Not once did I say
     you were attempting to make
something illegal.

Wait, there are other
     types of libertarians
except misguided?

Wouldn't these people
     be happier if they just
moved to North Korea?