Reddit Haikus

Can't you see how much
     better you make the world just
by being in it?

I'm fine. I'm listening
     to music and eating lunch.
You're still an asshole.

Your cat has no more
     metaphysical value
than a deer or cow.

This only makes me
     wonder where else our lovely
adventure can go.

That was too easy.
     You probably have a giant
butt plug up your ass.

But that's like keeping
     butterflies in the hope they'll
start a hurricane.

It was stupid. I,
     too, am a fan of throwing
gasoline on fires.

While I was crying
     my crush was laughing at me
the entire time.

If its hot enough
     for ice cream its hot enough
to murder someone.

And then I realized
     I have no idea what's
actually going on.

That means I'm also
     radioactive, because
I love bananas.

Or how about this:
     tradition makes you stupid,
religious, and poor.

Hey, you have a job
     in this economy, you
should be grateful. Pie.

For Janet, help came
     from her faith, but it also
came from a squirrel.

When there's nobody
     to pay the bill, everyone
ends up paying it.

You can't tell me who
     I can and can't descend from.
This is Tennessee!

If anyone has
     better info, or thinks I'm
wrong, please correct me.

I'm not sure how you
     knew about his excessive
butt sex practices.

Making sex a gift
     or a special occasion
is so fucking sad.

If you were mid 30's
     going for mid to low 20's,
you'd be a puma.

Dude, don't. Your home will
     smell like piss and no one will
want to come over.

Again, deflecting
     the question and floating on
your delusion cloud.

I definitely
     would not be a good person
post apocalypse.

Exactly, it's best
     that karma is worth nothing,
except for karma.

He told me he was
     going to take a shower
so I said "ok".

my mouth literally
     dropped open and stayed that way
for a whole minute.

Is really many
     potato and no gulag
in Amerika?

I am not convinced
     that "fish don't feel pain," in fact,
I am sure they do.

In short, my goal is
     to leave this world a better
place than I got it.

You should really come
     out of the closet and just
admit that you're gay.

She was with a new
     boyfriend but was at your place
cuddling and kissing?

I cant imagine.
     Men's penises. Some of them
do have their own phones.

The door creaked open,
     but in the place of the girl
was an old woman.

Nah I'm just going
     to stand here and watch you dumb
folks till you get it.

I blame myself. Still.
     I know it's not my fault but
I still blame myself.

I can also hear
     the hiss that televisions
make when they are on.

You are a good man.
     And a good father. Know that.
Source by any chance?

Why does God require
     faith to determine something
so significant?

But lurking inside
     are a lot of good people
with good ideas.

I only have her
     as a companion because
I want to bang her.

You can never be
     congratulated enough.
Congratulations.

First of all, I don't
     think gay bashing is okay.
I'd never do it.

And sin, young man, is
     when you treat people as things.
Including yourself.

Don't judge a man by
     the rules he makes, judge him by
the rules he follows.

Speaking for myself,
     sex is very different to,
say, eating pizza.

I just found that out
     myself and I cannot wait
to be sterilized.

Work. Work. Work. Work. Work.
     Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work.
Work. Work. Work. Work. Work.

Seems like such a chore...
     Lap, lap, lap... Just liking what
porn tells me to like.

And in any case,
     the onus is not on me.
Prove your fucking point.

You have the power
     to express perfect kindness,
selflessness and love.

The only thing you
     need to change is the fact you
don't have my number.

I purposely made
     my account on leap day just
to see what happens.

Just know that I think
     you're a nice guy, but I'm not
attracted to you.

Just like my breakfast
     today consisted of things
that were once alive.

WAIT ARE WE GETTING
     THE BICYCLE PUMP OR ARE
WE GIVING IT UP?

TIL Robocop could
     potentially qualify
as a kid's movie.

Again, peer to peer,
     what is my obligation
to answer questions?

Also, does butter
     count as a spice, because if
so, I would add that.

If you kill yourself,
     you will never reach a dream.
Never get married.

Unfortunately,
     this scheme would end with Maggie
shooting Mr. Burns.

My girlfriend said "I've
     got an itch between my toes".
So I asked "Which toes?".

You can dismiss him
     for being a complete tool,
because he is one.

He didn't get chocolate
     very often, so he is
extra dangerous.

How do I argue
     with someone who is simply
stupid and angry?

driving in the main
     artery highway is fast
but very boring.

One of the best ways
     to work through our own problems
is to help others!

Your friend left behind
     something beautiful for us
before his passing.

As long as we can
     use it to shoot other guns.
Chainsaws preferably.

"I've never met one
     who can look you in the eye,"
what a load of crap.

I wouldn't and if
     I absolutely had to,
I would not swallow.

Maybe the people
     are really just elephants?
I get by okay.

Oh, he also sells
     alcohol for a living.
We weren't offended.

While he is pooping.
     She's stunning. I don't like Dr.
Pepper anyway.

I got one last look
     in her eyes before I closed
mine and she kissed me.

But ultimately
     each person is the one who
is responsible.

The small scream before
     he lets out the big one is
what does it for me.

Watching a movie
     about it isn't going
to entertain me.

I'm glad your reading
     comprehension is as high
as you think mine is.

One day he was caught.
     Some officers followed him
to my grandma's house.

-He might have hidden
     out at the aunts house, as his
grave is buried there.

Still, thanks for the tip.
     Just remember, whatever
you do, don't look up.

Try some alcohol?
     It may be a really bad
tit removal job.

Society is
     not going to collapse, just
the economy.

How do you survive
     in this world if you don't know
how computers work?

The whole post strongly
     resembles circumcision
activist trolling.

Maybe we're harder
     to manage, to motivate,
to sell bullshit to.

It comes down to this,
     sex is the forbidden fruit,
so teens want it more.

WE HAVE LOST TO BLUE!
     GOTTA DO IT ALL OVER
AGAIN! PRAISE HELIX!

I'll get back to you
     when my novel is finished.
Mostly serious.

Everything built by
     ACME fails is an inside
joke on Mexico.

Advertisers did
     *not* invent my dad's bad breath,
I can swear by that.

Now, I literally
     don't remember what I said
(he doesn't either).

Religion is just
     something we use to make us
feel comfortable.

Playing with your hair
     is a sign of sexual
tension by the way.

I appreciate
     you reading and responding
to my story though.

Good beer. My buddy
     makes knives. We brew together.
He sharpens my knives.

We probably wouldn't
     be super sexually
compatible, then.

Am from Maine. When there's
     no snow, there are yellow hats
everywhere always.

"Gotta Catch 'em All."
     Easy there buddy- need some
mental health treatment?

I do however
     have an upside down mustache
that I am proud of.

You are very good
     looking but yeah, you might want
to ditch that nose ring.

You kiddies can use
     that idea if you'd like.
Thanks for the response.

Ya! And then one trips
     and the other catches him
with his dick and... Well...

Video gaming
     and sitting on my lazy
ass are my hobbies.

I don't know how old
     you are but I would say stay
away from the stuff.

Current economic
     thought is caught in assumptions
from bygone eras.

There's very little
     difference between Michael Scott
and Tandy Miller.

My God! This is hot!
     Seduce me more! Tell me how
often you vacuum!

What words of wisdom
     could he give me regarding
such a decision?

Poor obedience
     will result in any breed
being aggressive.

He won't save you on
     this earth and we don't know if
anything comes next.

I'm confused. If Joe
     is not your real name, why does
your niece call you that?

My relationship
     with my mom isn't the best,
even to this day.

Whole milk. Once you start
     drinking whole milk, anything
else tastes like water.

My palms were sweating
     as I anxiously waited
for the light to change.

It was probably made
     by a white guy, anyways!
Excellent questions!

I feel a little
     bit less like a weirdo now.
Stay tuned. I was there.

And the fact it looks
     the size of my forearm means
OP is a loose slut.

Okay. How about
     "Nobody should throw stones." That's
crappy behavior.

I could hear my brain
     going "BREATHE, BREATHE, MOVE YOUR LEGS",
but to no avail.

Soldier on! I do
     this sometimes with my face wash
if I'm too tired.

I look at like this,
     we are becoming a group
think society.

Just because one *feels*
     like he's outside his body
doesn't make it true.

I hate my country.
     I'm a virgin so its not
herpes There's a ghost.

A lot of people
     don't really pay attention
to the latter part.

You see, this story
     is not a comprehensive
expose of Dr. Oz.

In a communist
     society, all of those
values are punished.

All the while, he still
     tries to seek revenge over
the death of his love.

You should be happy
     that you were able to be
diagnosed early.

What the bible says
     is irrelevant to our
lives as atheists.

I believe it is
     right to pay for services
rendered, and I do.

It has no rhyme or
     reason to it, it's meaning
is found in itself.

Who gives a fuck if
     someone asks a question that's
been answered before?

If the rules were changed
     overnight people would do
bad to get heaven.

You are all winners
     in my book (which may or may
not be digital).

You need more help than
     you think, your broken mind won't
fix your broken mind.

Had no idea
     what I was getting into,
and it was awesome.

What is the difference
     between killing and murder?
When is killing wrong?

Odd. I saw Ben Folds
     and it was the worst concert
I've ever been to.

I'm clicking on links
     from your site to other things
on your site, you freaks!

I hear Canada
     also has universal
health care. OMG!

I've always wanted
     to be a grammar nazi
but my grammar sucks.

Work. Work. Work. Work. Work.
     Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work.
Work. Work. Work. Work. Work.

Staying because I'm
     afraid to be alone is
no reason to stay.

Do you go with straight
     up regular muscle milk
or just switch it up?

Honestly, whether
     you intended that or not,
that comes off as rude.

If you say something
     is an issue, burden is
to you to show why.

I actually added
     this part in my Doctoral
Thesis as a quote!

Okay, thanks. I'll be
     sure to hang out sooner than
later, just in case.

Work. Work. Work. Work. Work.
     Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work.
Work. Work. Work. Work. Work.

Honestly believe
     Gomez could do a very
decent job somewhere.

Oh my fucking god.
     You literally **cannot** make
this kind of thing up.

I have an issue
     with my mouth moving faster
than my brain sometimes.

I don't usually
     say hi or wave, but neither
do people I pass.

Why are you doing
     that to mommy?! She is hurt!
Stop it Skittles! Please!!

You look like you would
     hunt down and kill your boyfriend
and feast on his flesh.

I feel that order
     and meaning are things which are
created by minds.

But to forbid tips
     as if wage is enough is
borderline evil.

Get her to focus
     on something else, get her mind
completely off it.

Because the world is
     for shareholders, not fluffy
things and people. Fixed.

He probably isn't
     even trying to take away
your assault rifles.

What's now important
     is what items may or not
have been in plain view.

When you have one who
     lays like that and looks at you
like that, you've earned it.

They'll eventually
     prove that Mercury isn't
actually a planet.

Whereas if a man
     said something happened, no one
questions or doubts it.

However, I feel
     that this is almost pointless
to argue about.

I noticed that change
     from "What we did and did right"
to "what we're doing".

Sometimes they make eye
     contact and then just go back
to watching the show.

As little labor
     regulation as you can
get away with John.

If you really like
     something, get it on a shirt
or something like that.

This site is a great
     place to find out what's happening
in local music.

Wait, there are other
     types of libertarians
except misguided?

Indeed. He is too
     generous, I gonna try
ask him for money...

Like, what the fuck, ma?
     You couldn't even ask me
if it was cool first?

Yeah growing up rice
     and black beans happened often.
And the Mojo pork.

Also the placement,
     spacing and scale of the type
bothers me a bit.

I absolutely
     *despise* George W. Bush,
but facts are facts, man.

There are many things
     we do not let our children
do, like driving cars.

Plus she was being
     all shady with Andrea
in the beginning.

I am not giving
     in for fear of illegal
police harassment.

I shall hope to win
     This is going to dilute
the armor market.

I appreciate
     your concern though and I'm glad
you offered to help.

The ostracism
     comes after a totally
justified beating.

I'm wondering, why
     is the page so, uh I can't
think of the word. Long?

It might be a good
     sex life to you but it won't
be to everyone.

Surely that shouldn't
     be counted against Python.
Secondly, change "self."

I was so lonely,
     I engaged her, even though
I was suspicious.

Other guys may think
     I'm pussy whipped, but the truth
is I'm pussy whipped.

Did he cheat on me?
     First that stupid Hillary
chick and now this bitch?

But if he's talking
     about the "God hates fags" stuff,
then yeah, that's hate speech.

The cows are long gone,
     in fact, the barn never had
any cows in it.

:D CANT TELL IF IM
     ANGRY. OR JUST REALLY FUCKED
UP. Try heroin.

He's not disabled.
     Heck, there's people who have like
no hands who are gold.

Donkey Kong Country
     has to be one of the most
fun games of all time.

Wouldn't these people
     be happier if they just
moved to North Korea?

Just like the Cowboys
     defense has been a complete
joke the past few years.

These people don't want
     to be there, there is nowhere
else for them to go.

It worked. How did you
     make money if it didn't go
up (or down) in price?

What I usually
     do is check the CDs out
at the library.

I just went to their
     website to get more info.
It's unusable.

It's awesome to see
     how involved all of us are
on this sub right now.