Reddit Haikus

You're looking at every haiku that occurred on a Reddit comment between December 2005 and October 2016 (10.8 years). Some intentional, most unintentional.

The haikus make up 24,450,805 (24.4 million) characters or 4,519,927 (4.5 million) words. For perspective, the entire Harry Potter series is 1,084,170 words. This is 4 times the size of all Harry Potter books combined. It would take the average person 390 hours and 50 minutes (16 days) to read them all.

The haikus were extracted from 2,718,784,464 (2.7 billion) comments across 416,729 unique subreddits for a total of 80,908,650,976 (80.9 billion) words. Details of how this was done are available in a blog post.

These pages are regenerated every 3 minutes with updated scores -- please browse and upvote/downvote away.

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Page 1 of 1746

Haiku #231708

Can't you see how much
     better you make the world just
by being in it?

Score: 133          

Haiku #638

I'm fine. I'm listening
     to music and eating lunch.
You're still an asshole.

Score: 86          

Haiku #46768

Your cat has no more
     metaphysical value
than a deer or cow.

Score: 69          

Haiku #19706

This only makes me
     wonder where else our lovely
adventure can go.

Score: 48          

Haiku #326416

That was too easy.
     You probably have a giant
butt plug up your ass.

Score: 46          

Haiku #738

But that's like keeping
     butterflies in the hope they'll
start a hurricane.

Score: 37          

Haiku #326396

It was stupid. I,
     too, am a fan of throwing
gasoline on fires.

Score: 24          

Haiku #209282

While I was crying
     my crush was laughing at me
the entire time.

Score: 21          

Haiku #724

Or how about this:
     tradition makes you stupid,
religious, and poor.

Score: 20          

Haiku #231706

Hey, you have a job
     in this economy, you
should be grateful. Pie.

Score: 19          

Haiku #5074

That means I'm also
     radioactive, because
I love bananas.

Score: 19          

Haiku #210439

If its hot enough
     for ice cream its hot enough
to murder someone.

Score: 18          

Haiku #19625

And then I realized
     I have no idea what's
actually going on.

Score: 18          

Haiku #753

When there's nobody
     to pay the bill, everyone
ends up paying it.

Score: 17          

Haiku #272044

If anyone has
     better info, or thinks I'm
wrong, please correct me.

Score: 16          

Haiku #65191

I'm not sure how you
     knew about his excessive
butt sex practices.

Score: 15          

Haiku #19639

If you were mid 30's
     going for mid to low 20's,
you'd be a puma.

Score: 15          

Haiku #237463

You can't tell me who
     I can and can't descend from.
This is Tennessee!

Score: 15          

Haiku #19697

I am not convinced
     that "fish don't feel pain," in fact,
I am sure they do.

Score: 13          

Haiku #265143

Making sex a gift
     or a special occasion
is so fucking sad.

Score: 12          

Haiku #326395

Again, deflecting
     the question and floating on
your delusion cloud.

Score: 12          

Haiku #726

Exactly, it's best
     that karma is worth nothing,
except for karma.

Score: 12          

Haiku #19189

Dude, don't. Your home will
     smell like piss and no one will
want to come over.

Score: 11          

Haiku #19528

my mouth literally
     dropped open and stayed that way
for a whole minute.

Score: 11          

Haiku #19527

For Janet, help came
     from her faith, but it also
came from a squirrel.

Score: 10          

Haiku #273658

I blame myself. Still.
     I know it's not my fault but
I still blame myself.

Score: 10          

Haiku #260956

Nah I'm just going
     to stand here and watch you dumb
folks till you get it.

Score: 10          

Haiku #5559

You should really come
     out of the closet and just
admit that you're gay.

Score: 10          

Haiku #19643

She was with a new
     boyfriend but was at your place
cuddling and kissing?

Score: 10          

Haiku #110661

He told me he was
     going to take a shower
so I said "ok".

Score: 10          

Haiku #210436

The door creaked open,
     but in the place of the girl
was an old woman.

Score: 9          

Haiku #749

I can also hear
     the hiss that televisions
make when they are on.

Score: 9          

Haiku #175305

I cant imagine.
     Men's penises. Some of them
do have their own phones.

Score: 9          

Haiku #174803

Is really many
     potato and no gulag
in Amerika?

Score: 9          

Haiku #19130

I definitely
     would not be a good person
post apocalypse.

Score: 9          

Haiku #19204

In short, my goal is
     to leave this world a better
place than I got it.

Score: 9          

Haiku #231732

You are a good man.
     And a good father. Know that.
Source by any chance?

Score: 8          

Haiku #66035

But lurking inside
     are a lot of good people
with good ideas.

Score: 8          

Haiku #46786

Seems like such a chore...
     Lap, lap, lap... Just liking what
porn tells me to like.

Score: 8          

Haiku #764

First of all, I don't
     think gay bashing is okay.
I'd never do it.

Score: 8          

Haiku #24922

I only have her
     as a companion because
I want to bang her.

Score: 8          

Haiku #209359

Why does God require
     faith to determine something
so significant?

Score: 7          

Haiku #228278

I just found that out
     myself and I cannot wait
to be sterilized.

Score: 7          

Haiku #635

Speaking for myself,
     sex is very different to,
say, eating pizza.

Score: 7          

Haiku #263729

Again, peer to peer,
     what is my obligation
to answer questions?

Score: 6          

Haiku #117572

If you kill yourself,
     you will never reach a dream.
Never get married.

Score: 6          

Haiku #209110

Don't judge a man by
     the rules he makes, judge him by
the rules he follows.

Score: 6          

Haiku #224676

Just like my breakfast
     today consisted of things
that were once alive.

Score: 6          

Haiku #210471

TIL Robocop could
     potentially qualify
as a kid's movie.

Score: 6          

Haiku #136526

How do I argue
     with someone who is simply
stupid and angry?

Score: 6          

Haiku #136665

I purposely made
     my account on leap day just
to see what happens.

Score: 6          

Haiku #40403

You can never be
     congratulated enough.
Congratulations.

Score: 5          

Haiku #283363

You can dismiss him
     for being a complete tool,
because he is one.

Score: 5          

Haiku #2356

And in any case,
     the onus is not on me.
Prove your fucking point.

Score: 5          

Haiku #329139

Work. Work. Work. Work. Work.
     Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work.
Work. Work. Work. Work. Work.

Score: 5          

Haiku #229449

As long as we can
     use it to shoot other guns.
Chainsaws preferably.

Score: 5          

Haiku #224699

You have the power
     to express perfect kindness,
selflessness and love.

Score: 5          

Haiku #690

Unfortunately,
     this scheme would end with Maggie
shooting Mr. Burns.

Score: 5          

Haiku #224691

And sin, young man, is
     when you treat people as things.
Including yourself.

Score: 5          

Haiku #716

"I've never met one
     who can look you in the eye,"
what a load of crap.

Score: 5          

Haiku #326408

Just know that I think
     you're a nice guy, but I'm not
attracted to you.

Score: 5          

Haiku #789

My girlfriend said "I've
     got an itch between my toes".
So I asked "Which toes?".

Score: 5          

Haiku #272030

driving in the main
     artery highway is fast
but very boring.

Score: 5          

Haiku #215450

WAIT ARE WE GETTING
     THE BICYCLE PUMP OR ARE
WE GIVING IT UP?

Score: 5          

Haiku #136626

WE HAVE LOST TO BLUE!
     GOTTA DO IT ALL OVER
AGAIN! PRAISE HELIX!

Score: 4          

Haiku #57593

Good beer. My buddy
     makes knives. We brew together.
He sharpens my knives.

Score: 4          

Haiku #337873

One day he was caught.
     Some officers followed him
to my grandma's house.

Score: 4          

Haiku #19695

You are very good
     looking but yeah, you might want
to ditch that nose ring.

Score: 4          

Haiku #18912

I do however
     have an upside down mustache
that I am proud of.

Score: 4          

Haiku #209328

I appreciate
     you reading and responding
to my story though.

Score: 4          

Haiku #19195

While he is pooping.
     She's stunning. I don't like Dr.
Pepper anyway.

Score: 4          

Haiku #136683

But ultimately
     each person is the one who
is responsible.

Score: 4          

Haiku #644

It comes down to this,
     sex is the forbidden fruit,
so teens want it more.

Score: 4          

Haiku #268494

Your friend left behind
     something beautiful for us
before his passing.

Score: 4          

Haiku #670

Still, thanks for the tip.
     Just remember, whatever
you do, don't look up.

Score: 4          

Haiku #19595

Oh, he also sells
     alcohol for a living.
We weren't offended.

Score: 4          

Haiku #776

Advertisers did
     *not* invent my dad's bad breath,
I can swear by that.

Score: 4          

Haiku #209304

Religion is just
     something we use to make us
feel comfortable.

Score: 4          

Haiku #209533

Maybe we're harder
     to manage, to motivate,
to sell bullshit to.

Score: 4          

Haiku #19700

You kiddies can use
     that idea if you'd like.
Thanks for the response.

Score: 4          

Haiku #209361

One of the best ways
     to work through our own problems
is to help others!

Score: 4          

Haiku #271995

Am from Maine. When there's
     no snow, there are yellow hats
everywhere always.

Score: 4          

Haiku #224726

I'm glad your reading
     comprehension is as high
as you think mine is.

Score: 4          

Haiku #19634

Maybe the people
     are really just elephants?
I get by okay.

Score: 4          

Haiku #20263

Watching a movie
     about it isn't going
to entertain me.

Score: 4          

Haiku #74840

Now, I literally
     don't remember what I said
(he doesn't either).

Score: 4          

Haiku #21269

Everything built by
     ACME fails is an inside
joke on Mexico.

Score: 4          

Haiku #136689

I got one last look
     in her eyes before I closed
mine and she kissed me.

Score: 4          

Haiku #19561

The only thing you
     need to change is the fact you
don't have my number.

Score: 4          

Haiku #272024

"Gotta Catch 'em All."
     Easy there buddy- need some
mental health treatment?

Score: 4          

Haiku #231750

-He might have hidden
     out at the aunts house, as his
grave is buried there.

Score: 4          

Haiku #228288

Ya! And then one trips
     and the other catches him
with his dick and... Well...

Score: 4          

Haiku #347221

I'm clicking on links
     from your site to other things
on your site, you freaks!

Score: 3          

Haiku #19701

What words of wisdom
     could he give me regarding
such a decision?

Score: 3          

Haiku #19131

What the bible says
     is irrelevant to our
lives as atheists.

Score: 3          

Haiku #56278

Poor obedience
     will result in any breed
being aggressive.

Score: 3          

Haiku #30803

Society is
     not going to collapse, just
the economy.

Score: 3          

Haiku #175401

How do you survive
     in this world if you don't know
how computers work?

Score: 3          

Haiku #31579

Honestly, whether
     you intended that or not,
that comes off as rude.

Score: 3          

Haiku #224706

It was probably made
     by a white guy, anyways!
Excellent questions!

Score: 3          

Haiku #269000

Who gives a fuck if
     someone asks a question that's
been answered before?

Score: 3          

Haiku #126963

Video gaming
     and sitting on my lazy
ass are my hobbies.

Score: 3          

Haiku #59283

Odd. I saw Ben Folds
     and it was the worst concert
I've ever been to.

Score: 3          

Haiku #65238

We probably wouldn't
     be super sexually
compatible, then.

Score: 3          

Haiku #19707

Just because one *feels*
     like he's outside his body
doesn't make it true.

Score: 3          

Haiku #210452

My palms were sweating
     as I anxiously waited
for the light to change.

Score: 3          

Haiku #126974

The whole post strongly
     resembles circumcision
activist trolling.

Score: 3          

Haiku #19603

I could hear my brain
     going "BREATHE, BREATHE, MOVE YOUR LEGS",
but to no avail.

Score: 3          

Haiku #18917

Soldier on! I do
     this sometimes with my face wash
if I'm too tired.

Score: 3          

Haiku #126962

Current economic
     thought is caught in assumptions
from bygone eras.

Score: 3          

Haiku #5138

I hear Canada
     also has universal
health care. OMG!

Score: 3          

Haiku #209340

I wouldn't and if
     I absolutely had to,
I would not swallow.

Score: 3          

Haiku #19264

I'm confused. If Joe
     is not your real name, why does
your niece call you that?

Score: 3          

Haiku #132888

Whole milk. Once you start
     drinking whole milk, anything
else tastes like water.

Score: 3          

Haiku #731

I look at like this,
     we are becoming a group
think society.

Score: 3          

Haiku #215472

And the fact it looks
     the size of my forearm means
OP is a loose slut.

Score: 3          

Haiku #766

What is the difference
     between killing and murder?
When is killing wrong?

Score: 3          

Haiku #116419

Try some alcohol?
     It may be a really bad
tit removal job.

Score: 3          

Haiku #768

If the rules were changed
     overnight people would do
bad to get heaven.

Score: 3          

Haiku #19680

He won't save you on
     this earth and we don't know if
anything comes next.

Score: 3          

Haiku #268490

All the while, he still
     tries to seek revenge over
the death of his love.

Score: 3          

Haiku #224708

I don't know how old
     you are but I would say stay
away from the stuff.

Score: 3          

Haiku #210417

The small scream before
     he lets out the big one is
what does it for me.

Score: 3          

Haiku #224680

I feel a little
     bit less like a weirdo now.
Stay tuned. I was there.

Score: 3          

Haiku #119511

I believe it is
     right to pay for services
rendered, and I do.

Score: 3          

Haiku #224714

There's very little
     difference between Michael Scott
and Tandy Miller.

Score: 3          

Haiku #136623

My relationship
     with my mom isn't the best,
even to this day.

Score: 3          

Haiku #170070

Playing with your hair
     is a sign of sexual
tension by the way.

Score: 3          

Haiku #326404

If you say something
     is an issue, burden is
to you to show why.

Score: 3          

Haiku #333282

Do you go with straight
     up regular muscle milk
or just switch it up?

Score: 3          

Haiku #209363

He didn't get chocolate
     very often, so he is
extra dangerous.

Score: 3          

Haiku #209106

Also the placement,
     spacing and scale of the type
bothers me a bit.

Score: 2          

Haiku #19674

I don't usually
     say hi or wave, but neither
do people I pass.

Score: 2          

Haiku #6

I noticed that change
     from "What we did and did right"
to "what we're doing".

Score: 2          

Haiku #224682

It's awesome to see
     how involved all of us are
on this sub right now.

Score: 2          

Haiku #46016

What I usually
     do is check the CDs out
at the library.

Score: 2          

Haiku #19602

I agree with Ron
     Paul about the drug laws. Aw,
he looks kind of cute.

Score: 2          

Haiku #175347

It might be a good
     sex life to you but it won't
be to everyone.

Score: 2          

Haiku #193555

[deleted] I am
     tattooed and pierced, and I am
interesting as fuck.

Score: 2          

Haiku #8797

Other guys may think
     I'm pussy whipped, but the truth
is I'm pussy whipped.

Score: 2          

Haiku #19647

I have a beach trip
     with some friends soon and I plan
on smoking one then.

Score: 2          

Haiku #300876

If you really like
     something, get it on a shirt
or something like that.

Score: 2          

Haiku #224720

When you have one who
     lays like that and looks at you
like that, you've earned it.

Score: 2          

Haiku #40405

However, I feel
     that this is almost pointless
to argue about.

Score: 2          

Haiku #224712

What's now important
     is what items may or not
have been in plain view.

Score: 2          

Haiku #40407

Sometimes they make eye
     contact and then just go back
to watching the show.

Score: 2          

Haiku #19532

I watched people walk
     around with bags and pretend
to pick up the shit.

Score: 2          

Haiku #798

It worked. How did you
     make money if it didn't go
up (or down) in price?

Score: 2          

Haiku #229464

If you are looking
     for ransom, I can tell you
I don't have money.

Score: 2          

Haiku #5535

Donkey Kong Country
     has to be one of the most
fun games of all time.

Score: 2          

Haiku #39123

A lot of people
     don't really pay attention
to the latter part.

Score: 2          

Haiku #18360

:D CANT TELL IF IM
     ANGRY. OR JUST REALLY FUCKED
UP. Try heroin.

Score: 2          

Haiku #19696

But to forbid tips
     as if wage is enough is
borderline evil.

Score: 2          

Haiku #18659

Had no idea
     what I was getting into,
and it was awesome.

Score: 2          

Haiku #329140

Work. Work. Work. Work. Work.
     Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work.
Work. Work. Work. Work. Work.

Score: 2          

Haiku #8736

The cows are long gone,
     in fact, the barn never had
any cows in it.

Score: 2          

Haiku #272001

He probably isn't
     even trying to take away
your assault rifles.

Score: 2          

Haiku #18938

These people don't want
     to be there, there is nowhere
else for them to go.

Score: 2          

Haiku #224690

I had one last week
     that said, "this sweater is blue
like in the pictures!

Score: 2          

Haiku #100637

I am not giving
     in for fear of illegal
police harassment.

Score: 2          

Haiku #326394

I actually added
     this part in my Doctoral
Thesis as a quote!

Score: 2          

Haiku #25069

The ostracism
     comes after a totally
justified beating.

Score: 2          

Haiku #210442

If you're interested
     in a particular one,
please specify which.

Score: 2          

Haiku #260958

I'm wondering, why
     is the page so, uh I can't
think of the word. Long?

Score: 2          

Haiku #19541

Not once did I say
     you were attempting to make
something illegal.

Score: 2          

Haiku #65472

Plus she was being
     all shady with Andrea
in the beginning.

Score: 2          

Haiku #210446

Anybody else?
     You sound hot for some reason.
Sent you a PM!

Score: 2          

Haiku #210405

It has no rhyme or
     reason to it, it's meaning
is found in itself.

Score: 2          

Haiku #265087

I think the world is
     going to have to get used
to, you know, progress.

Score: 2          

Haiku #211306

He's not disabled.
     Heck, there's people who have like
no hands who are gold.

Score: 2          

Haiku #337889

Just like the Cowboys
     defense has been a complete
joke the past few years.

Score: 2          

Haiku #5554

Get her to focus
     on something else, get her mind
completely off it.

Score: 2          

Haiku #224701

People are rarely
     endangered by coyotes, but
your pets are tasty.

Score: 2          

Haiku #273648

Yeah growing up rice
     and black beans happened often.
And the Mojo pork.

Score: 2          

Haiku #326409

Honestly believe
     Gomez could do a very
decent job somewhere.

Score: 2          

Haiku #6537

I appreciate
     your concern though and I'm glad
you offered to help.

Score: 2          

Haiku #337881

You need more help than
     you think, your broken mind won't
fix your broken mind.

Score: 2          

Haiku #796

But if he's talking
     about the "God hates fags" stuff,
then yeah, that's hate speech.

Score: 2          

Haiku #224723

You see, this story
     is not a comprehensive
expose of Dr. Oz.

Score: 2          

Haiku #333269

Did he cheat on me?
     First that stupid Hillary
chick and now this bitch?

Score: 2          

Haiku #39007

Oh my fucking god.
     You literally **cannot** make
this kind of thing up.

Score: 2          

Haiku #18916

Okay. How about
     "Nobody should throw stones." That's
crappy behavior.

Score: 2          

Haiku #39022

I have an issue
     with my mouth moving faster
than my brain sometimes.

Score: 2          

Haiku #18936

I had no savings,
     a pile of credit card debt,
and no job prospects.

Score: 2          

Haiku #326403

Okay, thanks. I'll be
     sure to hang out sooner than
later, just in case.

Score: 2          

Haiku #18914

And even if you
     are weight lifting, you can still
get enough protein.

Score: 2          

Haiku #19564

Thank you for doing
     the right thing, even having
been burned in the past.

Score: 2          

Haiku #19048

Do you find yourself
     feeling as though you don't fit
in still to this day?

Score: 2          

Haiku #300972

They're not prayer beads like
     on a rosary, they're just
used for fidgeting.

Score: 2          

Haiku #19062

You look like you would
     hunt down and kill your boyfriend
and feast on his flesh.

Score: 2          

Haiku #203528

In a communist
     society, all of those
values are punished.

Score: 2          

Haiku #19123

I feel that order
     and meaning are things which are
created by minds.

Score: 2          

Haiku #19628

When you drive past me
     at night and flash your headlights,
you *are* the hazard.

Score: 2          

Haiku #18960

I'll get back to you
     when my novel is finished.
Mostly serious.

Score: 2          

Haiku #329141

Work. Work. Work. Work. Work.
     Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work.
Work. Work. Work. Work. Work.

Score: 2          

Haiku #19260

You are all winners
     in my book (which may or may
not be digital).

Score: 2          

Haiku #74829

They sting you and don't
     even have the decency
to die afterwards.

Score: 2          

Haiku #19476

Because the world is
     for shareholders, not fluffy
things and people. Fixed.

Score: 2          

Haiku #210450

Over the shoulder
     quadruple boulder holders.
Why did I click, why?

Score: 2          

Haiku #5585

Indeed. He is too
     generous, I gonna try
ask him for money...

Score: 2          

Haiku #74825

Also move your bed
     and sheets away from the wall.
But again, you're safe.

Score: 2          


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A Cyrus Lopez snafu.