Reddit Haikus

You're looking at every haiku that occurred on a Reddit comment between December 2005 and October 2016 (10.8 years). Some intentional, most unintentional.

The haikus make up 24,450,805 (24.4 million) characters or 4,519,927 (4.5 million) words. For perspective, the entire Harry Potter series is 1,084,170 words. This is 4 times the size of all Harry Potter books combined. It would take the average person 390 hours and 50 minutes (16 days) to read them all.

The haikus were extracted from 2,718,784,464 (2.7 billion) comments across 416,729 unique subreddits for a total of 80,908,650,976 (80.9 billion) words. Details of how this was done are available in a blog post.

These pages are regenerated every 3 minutes with updated scores -- please browse and upvote/downvote away.

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Page 1 of 1746

Haiku #231708

Can't you see how much
     better you make the world just
by being in it?

Score: 120          

Haiku #638

I'm fine. I'm listening
     to music and eating lunch.
You're still an asshole.

Score: 80          

Haiku #46768

Your cat has no more
     metaphysical value
than a deer or cow.

Score: 62          

Haiku #19706

This only makes me
     wonder where else our lovely
adventure can go.

Score: 43          

Haiku #326416

That was too easy.
     You probably have a giant
butt plug up your ass.

Score: 38          

Haiku #738

But that's like keeping
     butterflies in the hope they'll
start a hurricane.

Score: 32          

Haiku #326396

It was stupid. I,
     too, am a fan of throwing
gasoline on fires.

Score: 24          

Haiku #5074

That means I'm also
     radioactive, because
I love bananas.

Score: 19          

Haiku #724

Or how about this:
     tradition makes you stupid,
religious, and poor.

Score: 19          

Haiku #231706

Hey, you have a job
     in this economy, you
should be grateful. Pie.

Score: 17          

Haiku #753

When there's nobody
     to pay the bill, everyone
ends up paying it.

Score: 15          

Haiku #209282

While I was crying
     my crush was laughing at me
the entire time.

Score: 15          

Haiku #272044

If anyone has
     better info, or thinks I'm
wrong, please correct me.

Score: 14          

Haiku #19639

If you were mid 30's
     going for mid to low 20's,
you'd be a puma.

Score: 14          

Haiku #19625

And then I realized
     I have no idea what's
actually going on.

Score: 13          

Haiku #19697

I am not convinced
     that "fish don't feel pain," in fact,
I am sure they do.

Score: 12          

Haiku #210439

If its hot enough
     for ice cream its hot enough
to murder someone.

Score: 12          

Haiku #65191

I'm not sure how you
     knew about his excessive
butt sex practices.

Score: 11          

Haiku #326395

Again, deflecting
     the question and floating on
your delusion cloud.

Score: 11          

Haiku #19528

my mouth literally
     dropped open and stayed that way
for a whole minute.

Score: 11          

Haiku #260956

Nah I'm just going
     to stand here and watch you dumb
folks till you get it.

Score: 10          

Haiku #265143

Making sex a gift
     or a special occasion
is so fucking sad.

Score: 10          

Haiku #726

Exactly, it's best
     that karma is worth nothing,
except for karma.

Score: 10          

Haiku #19643

She was with a new
     boyfriend but was at your place
cuddling and kissing?

Score: 10          

Haiku #210436

The door creaked open,
     but in the place of the girl
was an old woman.

Score: 9          

Haiku #66035

But lurking inside
     are a lot of good people
with good ideas.

Score: 8          

Haiku #231732

You are a good man.
     And a good father. Know that.
Source by any chance?

Score: 8          

Haiku #174803

Is really many
     potato and no gulag
in Amerika?

Score: 8          

Haiku #273658

I blame myself. Still.
     I know it's not my fault but
I still blame myself.

Score: 8          

Haiku #19130

I definitely
     would not be a good person
post apocalypse.

Score: 8          

Haiku #19189

Dude, don't. Your home will
     smell like piss and no one will
want to come over.

Score: 8          

Haiku #110661

He told me he was
     going to take a shower
so I said "ok".

Score: 8          

Haiku #764

First of all, I don't
     think gay bashing is okay.
I'd never do it.

Score: 8          

Haiku #749

I can also hear
     the hiss that televisions
make when they are on.

Score: 8          

Haiku #46786

Seems like such a chore...
     Lap, lap, lap... Just liking what
porn tells me to like.

Score: 7          

Haiku #5559

You should really come
     out of the closet and just
admit that you're gay.

Score: 7          

Haiku #19204

In short, my goal is
     to leave this world a better
place than I got it.

Score: 7          

Haiku #24922

I only have her
     as a companion because
I want to bang her.

Score: 7          

Haiku #263729

Again, peer to peer,
     what is my obligation
to answer questions?

Score: 6          

Haiku #237463

You can't tell me who
     I can and can't descend from.
This is Tennessee!

Score: 6          

Haiku #209110

Don't judge a man by
     the rules he makes, judge him by
the rules he follows.

Score: 5          

Haiku #19195

While he is pooping.
     She's stunning. I don't like Dr.
Pepper anyway.

Score: 5          

Haiku #136665

I purposely made
     my account on leap day just
to see what happens.

Score: 5          

Haiku #716

"I've never met one
     who can look you in the eye,"
what a load of crap.

Score: 5          

Haiku #210471

TIL Robocop could
     potentially qualify
as a kid's movie.

Score: 5          

Haiku #789

My girlfriend said "I've
     got an itch between my toes".
So I asked "Which toes?".

Score: 5          

Haiku #136526

How do I argue
     with someone who is simply
stupid and angry?

Score: 5          

Haiku #229449

As long as we can
     use it to shoot other guns.
Chainsaws preferably.

Score: 5          

Haiku #209359

Why does God require
     faith to determine something
so significant?

Score: 5          

Haiku #326408

Just know that I think
     you're a nice guy, but I'm not
attracted to you.

Score: 5          

Haiku #268490

All the while, he still
     tries to seek revenge over
the death of his love.

Score: 4          

Haiku #272030

driving in the main
     artery highway is fast
but very boring.

Score: 4          

Haiku #136626

WE HAVE LOST TO BLUE!
     GOTTA DO IT ALL OVER
AGAIN! PRAISE HELIX!

Score: 4          

Haiku #224691

And sin, young man, is
     when you treat people as things.
Including yourself.

Score: 4          

Haiku #18912

I do however
     have an upside down mustache
that I am proud of.

Score: 4          

Haiku #272024

"Gotta Catch 'em All."
     Easy there buddy- need some
mental health treatment?

Score: 4          

Haiku #337873

One day he was caught.
     Some officers followed him
to my grandma's house.

Score: 4          

Haiku #329139

Work. Work. Work. Work. Work.
     Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work.
Work. Work. Work. Work. Work.

Score: 4          

Haiku #19527

For Janet, help came
     from her faith, but it also
came from a squirrel.

Score: 4          

Haiku #209328

I appreciate
     you reading and responding
to my story though.

Score: 4          

Haiku #670

Still, thanks for the tip.
     Just remember, whatever
you do, don't look up.

Score: 4          

Haiku #224699

You have the power
     to express perfect kindness,
selflessness and love.

Score: 4          

Haiku #635

Speaking for myself,
     sex is very different to,
say, eating pizza.

Score: 4          

Haiku #19634

Maybe the people
     are really just elephants?
I get by okay.

Score: 4          

Haiku #644

It comes down to this,
     sex is the forbidden fruit,
so teens want it more.

Score: 4          

Haiku #215450

WAIT ARE WE GETTING
     THE BICYCLE PUMP OR ARE
WE GIVING IT UP?

Score: 4          

Haiku #776

Advertisers did
     *not* invent my dad's bad breath,
I can swear by that.

Score: 4          

Haiku #283363

You can dismiss him
     for being a complete tool,
because he is one.

Score: 4          

Haiku #20263

Watching a movie
     about it isn't going
to entertain me.

Score: 4          

Haiku #136623

My relationship
     with my mom isn't the best,
even to this day.

Score: 4          

Haiku #209533

Maybe we're harder
     to manage, to motivate,
to sell bullshit to.

Score: 4          

Haiku #136683

But ultimately
     each person is the one who
is responsible.

Score: 4          

Haiku #224726

I'm glad your reading
     comprehension is as high
as you think mine is.

Score: 4          

Haiku #74840

Now, I literally
     don't remember what I said
(he doesn't either).

Score: 4          

Haiku #231750

-He might have hidden
     out at the aunts house, as his
grave is buried there.

Score: 4          

Haiku #268494

Your friend left behind
     something beautiful for us
before his passing.

Score: 4          

Haiku #209361

One of the best ways
     to work through our own problems
is to help others!

Score: 4          

Haiku #19700

You kiddies can use
     that idea if you'd like.
Thanks for the response.

Score: 4          

Haiku #19561

The only thing you
     need to change is the fact you
don't have my number.

Score: 4          

Haiku #19695

You are very good
     looking but yeah, you might want
to ditch that nose ring.

Score: 4          

Haiku #224676

Just like my breakfast
     today consisted of things
that were once alive.

Score: 4          

Haiku #40403

You can never be
     congratulated enough.
Congratulations.

Score: 3          

Haiku #209304

Religion is just
     something we use to make us
feel comfortable.

Score: 3          

Haiku #269000

Who gives a fuck if
     someone asks a question that's
been answered before?

Score: 3          

Haiku #224708

I don't know how old
     you are but I would say stay
away from the stuff.

Score: 3          

Haiku #347221

I'm clicking on links
     from your site to other things
on your site, you freaks!

Score: 3          

Haiku #170070

Playing with your hair
     is a sign of sexual
tension by the way.

Score: 3          

Haiku #59283

Odd. I saw Ben Folds
     and it was the worst concert
I've ever been to.

Score: 3          

Haiku #19680

He won't save you on
     this earth and we don't know if
anything comes next.

Score: 3          

Haiku #5138

I hear Canada
     also has universal
health care. OMG!

Score: 3          

Haiku #56278

Poor obedience
     will result in any breed
being aggressive.

Score: 3          

Haiku #19707

Just because one *feels*
     like he's outside his body
doesn't make it true.

Score: 3          

Haiku #175401

How do you survive
     in this world if you don't know
how computers work?

Score: 3          

Haiku #18914

And even if you
     are weight lifting, you can still
get enough protein.

Score: 3          

Haiku #132888

Whole milk. Once you start
     drinking whole milk, anything
else tastes like water.

Score: 3          

Haiku #18917

Soldier on! I do
     this sometimes with my face wash
if I'm too tired.

Score: 3          

Haiku #333282

Do you go with straight
     up regular muscle milk
or just switch it up?

Score: 3          

Haiku #19264

I'm confused. If Joe
     is not your real name, why does
your niece call you that?

Score: 3          

Haiku #19701

What words of wisdom
     could he give me regarding
such a decision?

Score: 3          

Haiku #731

I look at like this,
     we are becoming a group
think society.

Score: 3          

Haiku #326404

If you say something
     is an issue, burden is
to you to show why.

Score: 3          

Haiku #766

What is the difference
     between killing and murder?
When is killing wrong?

Score: 3          

Haiku #224714

There's very little
     difference between Michael Scott
and Tandy Miller.

Score: 3          

Haiku #768

If the rules were changed
     overnight people would do
bad to get heaven.

Score: 3          

Haiku #209340

I wouldn't and if
     I absolutely had to,
I would not swallow.

Score: 3          

Haiku #21269

Everything built by
     ACME fails is an inside
joke on Mexico.

Score: 3          

Haiku #19595

Oh, he also sells
     alcohol for a living.
We weren't offended.

Score: 3          

Haiku #119511

I believe it is
     right to pay for services
rendered, and I do.

Score: 3          

Haiku #19603

I could hear my brain
     going "BREATHE, BREATHE, MOVE YOUR LEGS",
but to no avail.

Score: 3          

Haiku #210417

The small scream before
     he lets out the big one is
what does it for me.

Score: 3          

Haiku #215472

And the fact it looks
     the size of my forearm means
OP is a loose slut.

Score: 3          

Haiku #30803

Society is
     not going to collapse, just
the economy.

Score: 3          

Haiku #271995

Am from Maine. When there's
     no snow, there are yellow hats
everywhere always.

Score: 3          

Haiku #31579

Honestly, whether
     you intended that or not,
that comes off as rude.

Score: 3          

Haiku #209363

He didn't get chocolate
     very often, so he is
extra dangerous.

Score: 3          

Haiku #136689

I got one last look
     in her eyes before I closed
mine and she kissed me.

Score: 3          

Haiku #329141

Work. Work. Work. Work. Work.
     Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work.
Work. Work. Work. Work. Work.

Score: 3          

Haiku #210452

My palms were sweating
     as I anxiously waited
for the light to change.

Score: 3          

Haiku #57593

Good beer. My buddy
     makes knives. We brew together.
He sharpens my knives.

Score: 3          

Haiku #65238

We probably wouldn't
     be super sexually
compatible, then.

Score: 3          

Haiku #224706

It was probably made
     by a white guy, anyways!
Excellent questions!

Score: 3          

Haiku #798

It worked. How did you
     make money if it didn't go
up (or down) in price?

Score: 2          

Haiku #229464

If you are looking
     for ransom, I can tell you
I don't have money.

Score: 2          

Haiku #209106

Also the placement,
     spacing and scale of the type
bothers me a bit.

Score: 2          

Haiku #39022

I have an issue
     with my mouth moving faster
than my brain sometimes.

Score: 2          

Haiku #175347

It might be a good
     sex life to you but it won't
be to everyone.

Score: 2          

Haiku #337881

You need more help than
     you think, your broken mind won't
fix your broken mind.

Score: 2          

Haiku #8797

Other guys may think
     I'm pussy whipped, but the truth
is I'm pussy whipped.

Score: 2          

Haiku #19696

But to forbid tips
     as if wage is enough is
borderline evil.

Score: 2          

Haiku #300876

If you really like
     something, get it on a shirt
or something like that.

Score: 2          

Haiku #210442

If you're interested
     in a particular one,
please specify which.

Score: 2          

Haiku #5535

Donkey Kong Country
     has to be one of the most
fun games of all time.

Score: 2          

Haiku #193555

[deleted] I am
     tattooed and pierced, and I am
interesting as fuck.

Score: 2          

Haiku #40407

Sometimes they make eye
     contact and then just go back
to watching the show.

Score: 2          

Haiku #39007

Oh my fucking god.
     You literally **cannot** make
this kind of thing up.

Score: 2          

Haiku #40405

However, I feel
     that this is almost pointless
to argue about.

Score: 2          

Haiku #337889

Just like the Cowboys
     defense has been a complete
joke the past few years.

Score: 2          

Haiku #18659

Had no idea
     what I was getting into,
and it was awesome.

Score: 2          

Haiku #74825

Also move your bed
     and sheets away from the wall.
But again, you're safe.

Score: 2          

Haiku #100637

I am not giving
     in for fear of illegal
police harassment.

Score: 2          

Haiku #326394

I actually added
     this part in my Doctoral
Thesis as a quote!

Score: 2          

Haiku #8736

The cows are long gone,
     in fact, the barn never had
any cows in it.

Score: 2          

Haiku #210446

Anybody else?
     You sound hot for some reason.
Sent you a PM!

Score: 2          

Haiku #25069

The ostracism
     comes after a totally
justified beating.

Score: 2          

Haiku #19674

I don't usually
     say hi or wave, but neither
do people I pass.

Score: 2          

Haiku #65472

Plus she was being
     all shady with Andrea
in the beginning.

Score: 2          

Haiku #19647

I have a beach trip
     with some friends soon and I plan
on smoking one then.

Score: 2          

Haiku #18938

These people don't want
     to be there, there is nowhere
else for them to go.

Score: 2          

Haiku #224682

It's awesome to see
     how involved all of us are
on this sub right now.

Score: 2          

Haiku #260958

I'm wondering, why
     is the page so, uh I can't
think of the word. Long?

Score: 2          

Haiku #19628

When you drive past me
     at night and flash your headlights,
you *are* the hazard.

Score: 2          

Haiku #5585

Indeed. He is too
     generous, I gonna try
ask him for money...

Score: 2          

Haiku #74829

They sting you and don't
     even have the decency
to die afterwards.

Score: 2          

Haiku #5554

Get her to focus
     on something else, get her mind
completely off it.

Score: 2          

Haiku #224720

When you have one who
     lays like that and looks at you
like that, you've earned it.

Score: 2          

Haiku #210405

It has no rhyme or
     reason to it, it's meaning
is found in itself.

Score: 2          

Haiku #224712

What's now important
     is what items may or not
have been in plain view.

Score: 2          

Haiku #273648

Yeah growing up rice
     and black beans happened often.
And the Mojo pork.

Score: 2          

Haiku #210450

Over the shoulder
     quadruple boulder holders.
Why did I click, why?

Score: 2          

Haiku #6537

I appreciate
     your concern though and I'm glad
you offered to help.

Score: 2          

Haiku #326409

Honestly believe
     Gomez could do a very
decent job somewhere.

Score: 2          

Haiku #796

But if he's talking
     about the "God hates fags" stuff,
then yeah, that's hate speech.

Score: 2          

Haiku #326403

Okay, thanks. I'll be
     sure to hang out sooner than
later, just in case.

Score: 2          

Haiku #333269

Did he cheat on me?
     First that stupid Hillary
chick and now this bitch?

Score: 2          

Haiku #224701

People are rarely
     endangered by coyotes, but
your pets are tasty.

Score: 2          

Haiku #18916

Okay. How about
     "Nobody should throw stones." That's
crappy behavior.

Score: 2          

Haiku #39123

A lot of people
     don't really pay attention
to the latter part.

Score: 2          

Haiku #18936

I had no savings,
     a pile of credit card debt,
and no job prospects.

Score: 2          

Haiku #300972

They're not prayer beads like
     on a rosary, they're just
used for fidgeting.

Score: 2          

Haiku #19048

Do you find yourself
     feeling as though you don't fit
in still to this day?

Score: 2          

Haiku #203528

In a communist
     society, all of those
values are punished.

Score: 2          

Haiku #19062

You look like you would
     hunt down and kill your boyfriend
and feast on his flesh.

Score: 2          

Haiku #224690

I had one last week
     that said, "this sweater is blue
like in the pictures!

Score: 2          

Haiku #19123

I feel that order
     and meaning are things which are
created by minds.

Score: 2          

Haiku #19602

I agree with Ron
     Paul about the drug laws. Aw,
he looks kind of cute.

Score: 2          

Haiku #18960

I'll get back to you
     when my novel is finished.
Mostly serious.

Score: 2          

Haiku #224723

You see, this story
     is not a comprehensive
expose of Dr. Oz.

Score: 2          

Haiku #19260

You are all winners
     in my book (which may or may
not be digital).

Score: 2          

Haiku #265087

I think the world is
     going to have to get used
to, you know, progress.

Score: 2          

Haiku #19476

Because the world is
     for shareholders, not fluffy
things and people. Fixed.

Score: 2          

Haiku #272001

He probably isn't
     even trying to take away
your assault rifles.

Score: 2          

Haiku #57589

I shall hope to win
     This is going to dilute
the armor market.

Score: 2          

Haiku #224680

I feel a little
     bit less like a weirdo now.
Stay tuned. I was there.

Score: 2          

Haiku #19564

Thank you for doing
     the right thing, even having
been burned in the past.

Score: 2          

Haiku #19541

Not once did I say
     you were attempting to make
something illegal.

Score: 2          

Haiku #19532

I watched people walk
     around with bags and pretend
to pick up the shit.

Score: 2          

Haiku #347205

Like, what the fuck, ma?
     You couldn't even ask me
if it was cool first?

Score: 2          

Haiku #700

There are many things
     we do not let our children
do, like driving cars.

Score: 2          

Haiku #708

As little labor
     regulation as you can
get away with John.

Score: 2          

Haiku #119297

You should be happy
     that you were able to be
diagnosed early.

Score: 2          

Haiku #314810

Whereas if a man
     said something happened, no one
questions or doubts it.

Score: 2          

Haiku #19131

What the bible says
     is irrelevant to our
lives as atheists.

Score: 2          

Haiku #46016

What I usually
     do is check the CDs out
at the library.

Score: 2          

Haiku #6

I noticed that change
     from "What we did and did right"
to "what we're doing".

Score: 2          

Haiku #209120

I agree that there
     shouldn't be cronyism
in place of merit.

Score: 1          

Haiku #122277

Something that would not
     have been possible if you
didn't have that one month.

Score: 1          

Haiku #215512

Obama knows this,
     hence why he is so desperate
to get a deal. Ha!

Score: 1          

Haiku #166246

Couldn't one just claim
     to plead the 5th, and then
request a lawyer?

Score: 1          

Haiku #215452

I think after "q"
     I would say "u,", and "r" was
in the wrong place, too.

Score: 1          

Haiku #135714

No accusations.
     No inquiry into it.
No formal charges.

Score: 1          

Haiku #224696

And the best part is
     that her friend knows too and is
just playing along.

Score: 1          


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Page updated on Friday Sep 22, 2017 05:09:04 PM CST.

A Cyrus Lopez snafu.